Q.M.I. Presents
Suzanne Deakins  

Sexuality
The Creative Expression of the Self

by Suzanne Deakins, H.W., M., PhD.

 

 Students have asked me about the confusion, pain and restlessness they felt as it related to their sexual energies.
 
The only way your internal questions and restlessness can be answered is through spiritual insight and study. No amount of sexuality, cyber or physical, will take away the restlessness.. nor the pain, nor the guilt.. It will however entangle you with emotions and questions that will stand in your way for a long time. The only way out of this entanglement is if you see sexuality differently. Sexuality is a form of creative fulfillment where we know we are ONE with all life.
 
The sharing of sexual energy feels as if you are opening up and learning.. The opening up will lead to learning as long as you know it must come from within. It comes from contemplation and acceptance of your spiritual nature and acceptance of the responsibility of your actions in life.
 
It is important for each of us to set our spiritual goals, that is what it is we wish to accomplish and try to find our way to that path... No one can tell you what that path is, nor can they give you more than an expression of their experience. But in their experience you may hear a word, glimmer an idea, or feel a fluttering of awakening, that you can relate to.
 
It is my belief that for consciousness to survive we must have a reflection. That we must do more than look into our personal mirror, but look at the "other" and feel and see what is reflected back to us. Even in death we are reflecting and never alone for the spirit to survive, the consciousness must relate and reflect... just as mind must continue to think, be it straight thinking, aberrant thoughts, or grief thoughts it must continue to think. That is to relate to the BEINGNESS of I AM I. For instance to say I am dying is a statement of beingness of consciousness... of reflective thought process. Each statement of I am hurt, laughing etc. reinforces our BEING, our existence as consciousness, as spirit.
 
Love, sex, hate and fear are all in the mind. They start in the mind and end in the mind. The definition of these are as simple as saying they are each a type of energy and the manifestation of mind, God or TRUTH however you would express these concepts. They too are a statement of being of existence. The difference with these states of being are that they are often emotionally laden... filled with beliefs and concepts. These beliefs and concepts (and emotions) often block our thinking therefore our choices and judgments may be erroneous or lacking in some manner.
 
It is my experience that all actions and acts that happen in our life are actions and acts of GOD.. when we are uncomfortable or pained by them it is because our belief system is not fully developed where by we can understand what is happening... If we look at past life traumas we can often see where the trauma led us to a deeper understanding of the Nature of Reality or TRUTH or God or LOVE however you choose to see the experience.
 
Often when we look back years later at incidents we will see our child like reactions at the time and wonder how this came to be. How we could have been so unaware of life and its rhythms to have assumed such a child like stance? This ability to review is peculiar to human kind. It is this alone that allows us to look to spirit and see our unfoldment, while other species may learn from their endeavors and use it to better survive.
 
We take this ability to review far beyond survival we take and use it change our very existence. We actually are capable of changing the essence of the I AM I or Beingness of our life. For instance we can change a hate energy to love by simply understanding the motivations and our own responsibility or lack thereof of an experience. We can change a child's understanding to an adult knowing. In simpler terms we can stop thinking of addition in terms of 2+2=5 and know the principle is really 2+2=4 thereby changing our whole relationship to mathematics and our checkbook.
 
Love in and of itself is an Energy. And energy that is often expressed through attention and focus. A child whose mother gives it attention and focus will say my mother loved me. A child whose mother was self absorbed and focused on needs other than the child will say I came from a loveless home. The way most people think of unconditional love, which we hear so much about, is often nothing more than a sense of mother's love. Love that went beyond how we behaved or soiled ourselves. Love that was there in sickness and health, in defeat and victory.
 
It is my experience that when we say we love another, most of us are saying I need you. I need something in your experience to feel whole complete and spiritually sound. There are of course exceptions. And it is these exceptions that takes us to an adult realm of love that you might define as spiritual love. Spiritual love is unconditional. BUT not because it loves the soiled beingness or the trauma, BUT because like the beloved it recognizes the potential spiritual expression of the BEING.
 
As an adult one of our spiritual goals should is to move our concept of love from that of a child's point of view to that of a SPIRITUAL BEING.
 
For us as children those who loved us had several characteristics. They were in control of our very existence and survival. The could inflict physical pain and emotional hurt. For many there was a fear of what that love meant. If the parents who taught us of love also abused us, then our concept or belief of love is often filled with emotional pain and mistrust of others. If our mother ignored us and we did not know love from her ... our sense of love may be very needy, reaching out to others to fulfill this void and accept us no matter what our behavior.
 
As an adult, as you look back over your childhood, you will see that your parental love is akin to your concept of GOD or unconditional LOVE... As children and adults we align our survival instincts with those in power over us... And as we have seen with hostages often come to understand and love the captors that would abuse us and kill us..BECAUSE as children this is what we learned. We learned that a parent equaled GOD. This phenomenon is often seen in women or children who are raped or beaten. They will swear undying love for the abuser. Will defend them even as they are killed bit by bit emotionally and spiritually. Because they see the abuser in power therefore as GOD.
 
Now as an adult you must re-learn what GOD or LOVE can be. Understanding GOD and LOVE is what is a first step for us all and yet it takes a life time of work and learning. This means that bit by bit you must give up misconceptions and your child's view, for a view of GOD and LOVE that is more principled, wholistic, infinite and less bound by personality. This as you have been learning is not an easy process and we make many mistakes in our journey to find GOD and LOVE.
 
In my experience, adult love is centered on the beingness, the spiritual essence and spiritual potential of those we choose to love. This may or may not include sexual interaction as we commonly think of sex. It is a love that knows the beloved is not GOD manifest by rather a manifestation of the infinite variety of GOD and LOVE ..in common biblical vernacular, a creature made in the image of GOD therefore worthy of all respect and consideration due GOD or LOVE. NO ONE can give you an understanding of GOD or LOVE. That is generated from within your thinking and experience. If you allow it an other's action may give you an experience whereby you better learn about adult LOVE and GOD. BUT only YOU can have this experience and it is never the same experience for those who are in the action of learning.
 
We are solitary beings locked into a form that does not allow us by conventional thought and belief to know another. The exception to this solitary confinement is when we have sex. Healthy Sex (healthy sex has little to do with the action and more to do with the attitude in the mind) between adults allows our energy to merge with another and for the first time we are not ALONE. We feel whole, we are with companion. We in this moment of co-joining feel and know GOD and LOVE as it has never been known to us before.
 
As long as SEX is between adults, consenting adults in a manner that pleases and is fulfilling for both participants... it serves a spiritual purpose. Along with the fun and release, it serves to remind us we are of ONE SPIRIT. Used in a true sense of caring and concern it can show us a God manifest in our actions. It does not cause us to transcend our current beliefs and concepts other than when it used in specialized exercises.
 

Suzanne Deakins, H.W., M., PhD.
© copyright 2012 Suzanne Deakins, H.W., M., PhD., Suzanne Deakins' Intentional Success
See also Suzanne Deakins article on Language and Culture: Outpicturing Consciousness


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