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You know you're in Bakersfield when...
- A date to the Melodrama is... the "theatre"
You buy salsa by the gallon.
Your Christmas decorations include a half a yard of sand and l00 paper bags. You think a red light is merely a suggestion.
All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October, but clear out before the end of April.
Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or "Los"
You think 6 tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.
You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
You see more irrigation water on the street than in the River.
You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
You can say 115 degrees without fainting.
Every other vehicle is a 4x4, the other is a pickup.
You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour....and it will be over l00
degrees.
Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
People break out coats when temperature drops below 70.
You discover, in July, it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
The pool can be warmer than you are. You can make sun tea instantly.
You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your
fireplace. Most homes have more firearms than people.
People with Black cars or upholstery are assumed to be from out-of-town.
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
The AC is on your list of best friends. Monday Night Football starts at 5:00.
You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.
You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
The water from the cold water tap is the same temperature as the hot one.
It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving in the streets.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
Sun screen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter, a
formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just to go to Circle K.
Some fool can market mini-misters for joggers and other fools will actually
buy them.
Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air
inside. No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.
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